“Throw caution to the wind…”

or “Caution…. you might be thrown into the wind”. Summer is offically over. Well at least for me. Tommorow I will shadow the doors of front doors of the college again. Year four. Who would of thunk it. That I would be a fourth year student. Well here I am a fourth year full time student living on his own and working full time at Sobeys as the dairy manager. Tommorow marks the first day of official business. Hom 2, Church history and Equipping Leadership. 3 Classes, 40+ hours of work and Sunday and Tuesday off. All I ask for is humble beginnings as the semester begins and monetary blessings. I need 2 new tires for my car to prep for the winter ahead, mental, physical and spiritual blessings as the semester wears on and on me.

It will be intresting and frustrating all at the same time. But hey it is an adventure and I must remember to take the time to smell the roses along the way.

I’m excited for:

• The new NHL season. GO CANUCKS GO! GO Bertuzzi GO in Calgary!
• My classes. Knowledge is power, Knowledge is growth.
• NHL 09: Be a pro mode
• Benefits to kick in at work
• Maybe a visit from the BROS for some Nuck/Flame action
• This new chapter in life as a student, employee living on his own fending for himself and the people he loves.

Summer whispered goodbye…

The Olympics are in full swing, I made it through a heat wave here in Calgary and at the house. I worked all summer and looking forward to transfering from the Produce department to the Dairy dept. School meetings have already started and planning of the what the college will look like and I feel like I’ve got the academic ball started… but my mind is still trying to recharge.

But this evening I went to go and grab my Wintersleep cd from my car, when I heard a small whisper through a small and rare breeze “goodbye”. For me the summer season is over. Waking up and heading to work at 530am in the morning the Sun trails far behind me now from the east. Days are getting shorter and shorter. The talk of friends coming back into town and the fallen leaves start to pad the ground I walk on. Where did the summer go?

Incognito Summer. I was surprised that this summer I decided to move out of my parents house after 27 years(Yes, 27 long years. But I assume the last 7 felt longer). I traded my green leaf defender cape for one a shade of milky white. So long produce, say hello dairy department. I continue to make a living at Sobeys in Royal Oak. I can’t complain and why should I bite the hand that feeds me. So after 5 years of Okra, Blueberries and lemon grass I will now be managing 1%, 2%, Homo, and the dreaded 3.25%

School is almost in sess and I hope to do well. It is going to be a grind. Fulltime work, Fulltime School. There have been students who have gone before me and accomplished it. So why not? Here comes to one full semester.

Shalom for now.

Living under Grace…

The thought of relief found in pardon. The tension broken when found to be free, to be extended hands and arms wide open are always a welcome sight when found on the wrong side of the road… Grace. To put it plainly I have found it hard to live under Grace. Grace is given but at what cost? It is something I do not deserve. I just don’t understand why anyone would offer this free gift. But is it really free?

I’ve done a lot of things in my life. Some minor and some major (if we could even call them that). Some thing under my breathe or in brief passing of my thoughts. Some in the light and some in dark corners. Passing up on helping others while passing on help from others. I know I can never achieve being perfect. To think that would even be a sin and would be a cause for discipline. But how far does one go before living under Grace becomes to hard. I know Grace is always given freely and the burden is light. But I struggle to live free from time to time in that Grace, because I take so much in and coil it all inside and then i see the cost.

The cost is high. I may never see “the how much”. But I know it cost a lot. But somedays I feel like I’ve lost out, screwed up and find it harder to live under Grace. My journey is my own. My path walks along with others. Grace covers all. But I find it harder and harder to be me.

I don’t want to let people down. I don’t want people to be displeased with me. I want them to have a sense of pride to have known me. Not for recognition. But that I have done a small part on this earth not to disrupt the shalom that we have in this world.

But there are times… when living under that Grace is harder now when I fall. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve it at all.